THIS TIME WE HAVE A CHILDREN THEME, IF YOU HAVE SOME YOU WILL LAUGH, IF YOU DONT THEN YOU WILL BE GRATEFULL!!

A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is waiting right outside of the ladies dressing room for his Mum to comeout. While waiting, the little boy gets bored and just when his Mum comes walking out she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin's skirt. "Get your hand out of there!" she shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth down there?" The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten! For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs. When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action. After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, shesays, "You know, you could go a little further if you want." "What do you mean?" he asks. Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch. "Hell no," he cries, "you've got teeth down there!" "Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no teeth down there." "Yes, there are," he says, "my Mom told me so." "No, there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself." With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek. "No, I'm sorry", he says. "My Mom already told me that ALL women have teeth down there." "Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head, and says, "LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth down there." The boy takes a good long look and replies, "Well, with the condition of those gums, I'm not surprised.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why We Love Children
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I
pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. You
did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know,"explained the
boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes
later....."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes
later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you
bring a drink of water?"

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out
and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan,
come in or stay out!'"

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her
son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a
tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother
smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence
was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it
your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's
clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She
said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy
has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing
in your butt?"

7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus
five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is
nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you
doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And
this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he
answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are
you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are
learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two
plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing,
she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is
four."

8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried
to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the
farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer
said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy
Shit! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10
minutes.

9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say,
"I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but
mother says I'm not."

10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the
boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too
rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I
can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next
to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.
The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SORRY THIS BITS A BIT SICK!!

What have Gareth Gates and Harold Shipman got in common? Neither of
them can finish a sentence.

Shipman's last meal was a curry. When asked afterwards if he enjoyed it, he
replied that it was OK but he could've murdered a nan.

They are going to make a film about Harold Shipman starring Robert De Niro.
Title: The Old Dear Hunter.

Harold Shipman's suicide note has been found. It reads - "I can't go
on.I've run out of patients."

The prison warden where Shipman was 'staying' commented that he would
besorely missed, especially by the prison-boxing club. He said: "He had
a lethal jab".